22 November 2021

The Prayer I Said

For Indira. After Megan O’Rourke.

“Man is the animal that can make promises” -Nietzsche

Was it like cutting the last string, the tether

how far were you already

and in whose empire

could you hear or were we just

faint tremblings of love

and will you know if we keep our promises?

Did the pain finally end

was it a total submersion

or did you carry some infinitesimal

shade of it into the next

and was it the beginning again

was it like that?

Do they have trees, or memories there

were you trying to show us

how it is to walk out of the cave of shadows

and was it blinding

Is it a verdict or a dissolution

is it a pitstop or a final destination

are you waiting again, a young schoolgirl in Malleshwaram

once more, twirling dandelions on your thumb

did you want it this way

or any way?

Did you know this was his first death

his first death and only mother

And what do I do now —

blind and dumb with only my rationality

and the unfamiliar gestures of faith as guides

what do I do now with the broken —

When we hurt, when we break our promises

is it enough that I love him like this, right now?